Leif - Earth Stone

[the_last]

[As soon as Leif chomps on the fruit, he will experience sudden disorientation, as if suddenly unfamiliar with being inside his body, perhaps not even knowing why he is there or who he is. It lasts for but a moment and then slowly fades... He will suddenly find himself in a place that seems unusually quiet and gray, as though the color were stolen but there remains just enough to suggest that things have been greatly subdued. There are also about three spots in the distance that seem to almost glow with gentle hues of color, soft and welcoming. Too bad, they seem much too far away to reach.

Within the gray is an expansive forest of every tree imaginable and dry, brittle grass that extends to mid-calf. Here and there, one might even spot some faded prints left upon the ground. The sky is equally gray, although not one cloud can be seen. But a dark mist seems to swirl around the forest, not too thick but clearly present.]

Comments

[wouldntkilladragon]

Never heard of a crisis of faith?

[karlsefni]

[ briefly—taking a moment to crack his neck, shoulders rolling. ]

No.

[wouldntkilladragon]

All right.

Then tell me, what if magic doesn't help you not be helpless.

What do you do then?

[karlsefni]

Go back to what I usually do: practice.

[wouldntkilladragon]

And if that doesn't work?

[karlsefni]

Dunno, find something else.

[wouldntkilladragon]

How about I put it this way.

What if I died because you couldn't help me?

[karlsefni]

. . . [ W

What ]

[wouldntkilladragon]

...well?

[karlsefni]

You--wouldn't, I won't let that happen--

[wouldntkilladragon]

[Snorts.]

How?

[karlsefni]

I don't know, how would you be dying!?

[wouldntkilladragon]

[Shakes his head.]

Doesn't matter. I did. You couldn't save me. How do you deal?

[karlsefni]

[ i didn't ask for this emotional torment ]

[ his face twists, contorting into different expressions (all varying shades of despair, anger, and despair and anger mixed together) as he tries to think—but that's not.

that's not, it's not possible, he can't think that way because he—rider wouldn't die, he can't die he's too important and—





no, that has nothing to do with it, does it? kings die all the time, loved ones die all the time, she died and so did her daughter and that was his fault.

he imagines rider now, rider with that expression, that look of betrayal that the old woman had, and then he looks down. turns away. brings a hand to his face, and breathes. ]

[wouldntkilladragon]

...you just approach things, just looking what's ahead of you, blinding yourself to everything around you and all the possibilities.

That's not determination. That's blind ignorance. It's easy to be determined if you don't see anything else. It's easy to never stop if you don't look around. Because what's there to stop you? There's no true obstacle.

And that's weak because when something does happen, something that does affect you, you'll fall to pieces because you'll never see it coming.

[karlsefni]

[ thorfinn is a little preoccupied, only half listening at best—for a few moments, anyway, before he remembers that he's not in england and nothing's happening now and this is just a hypothetical situation anyway and he's not killing rider not now not ever—

and then he's listening attentively, quiet and subdued, because betrayal is not only found in death, and he wants nothing more from rider than his approval and spacing out from accidental trauma isn't going to get that, now is it? ]

[ nodding briefly, maybe a little too quickly, still squashing that unpleasant feeling, and he rubs at his arm a bit. ]

That so?

[ pauses, swallowing, and then more steadily: ] I'm not blindly ignoring things. I know what's going on with my surroundings—if it's not important to me there's no point in paying attention to it when I could do other things. If I've got a goal in mind and I'll do whatever it takes to do it, I know I've got a good reason for it.

And if I fall to pieces then I am weak, but that's why I'm trying not to be.

I'm not strong. I never was. If I was strong, strong enough, I wouldn't be here. But if I break then I'll just have to put myself back together. That's all there is to it.

[wouldntkilladragon]

You say you pay attention if it's important to you...but do you really?

Can you really put yourself together if you break?

Can you really do that if I break?

[karlsefni]

I pay attention to you, don't I? [ ggggrump. ]

You keep asking me questions I don't know the answer to. I don't know if I can, I told you, I'm not strong. But I'm going to try, and I'll never stop trying until I'm dead if that's what it takes.

[wouldntkilladragon]

And you only see what you let yourself see. Which, really, ain't a lot.

Are you sure it's just dead.

[Walking over and grabbing his shoulder, leaning close.]

What is Tiger's Eye had to hurt Heliodor? Could you take it?

[karlsefni]

[ —tenses, immediately stepping away and moving his hand near his knife, but he manages to wrench his hand away from the weapon and relax it. rider isn't his enemy. he's not going to hurt him. physically, that is. ]

That's—not going to happen—[ but no, he's just deluding himself into thinking that. he takes a moment, briefly, shoulders sagging a bit before he brings his hand up to push rider's hand off, and he steps forward, and there's no hesitance in his words, although his tone sounds a little dead. ]

Then so be it. My team is more important to me than the whole of your team and if I have to hurt you to protect us—if that's what it takes, then I will. There's no question about if I can take it or not, if I have to then I will.

[wouldntkilladragon]

Then prove it.

[karlsefni]

. . . .

You want me to hurt you. [ like, more. after i punched you a few times already. ]

[wouldntkilladragon]

[Gestures to the bruises from the previous punches.] I can't even consider these to be injuries worth mentioning. This is just normal for how things should be, any complaints I have is because I'm a wimp.

But you say you can do these things, hurt my team and me, and be fine. If it's not a physical injury, it won't last. All right. Then let's see you prove it. [Spreads his arms wide.]

[karlsefni]

[ ]

This doesn't have anything to do with my teammates. This is just between me and you, and I'm not going to stab you just to prove that I can.

[wouldntkilladragon]

It does have to do with your quest though.